Carl Scripter's Blog (http://carlscripter.com)

I am a GEEK! (among other things)

2008-07-11T19:43:00.001-07:00

O.k. Before I talk about what's going in my life currently -- be aware that I can no longer mention specific names of companies because of a really awesome (and personally served) "cease and desist" letter from a large (yet failing) conglomerate movie and game rental establishment that rhymes with Shmallywood Shmideo. So I must speak of such companies in referencial linguistics.

So yeah. I got a job. I FINALLY got a job. It only took five months. I am now a "Geek."

I am no longer living the life of a "stay-at-home-dad." I was starting to think that I was going to grow large feminine hips from the constant kid-dangling. I was getting sick of daytime television-- my missing Bob Barker as the host of "The Price is Right" was becoming a thorn in my daily routine. I have become very much aware that "If they pre-qualify me for a personal mobility device at the Scooter Store, and for any reason I am denied -- they will provide the Scooter at no cost to me." I am done with "Judge Mathis," "Rachel Ray," "Ellen," "THE (fucking) VIEW." Oh dear sweet Jesus, "The View" is the most annoying show .. of all time. My not owning firearms is a good thing. I am done with the lack of social interaction.

I was beginning to get worried that I was a little too friendly with the local strung-out single-mom-with-five-overweight-yet-undernourished-children-who-use-food-stamps-to-purchase-chocolate-milk-and-Twizzlers crowd at the old Safeway store on 82nd / SE Burnside. THANK GOD I NO LONGER HAVE THAT BURDEN -- moving along.

As I said, I am now a "Geek."

I am working at yet another big-box computer / appliance / entertainment retail store as a customer service technician / technology guru. I have now worked two full days. It's actually quite fun! I like my coworkers and my boss seems really nice. However, this is a total trip for me...

Having been a retail manager for the past seven years. It is extremely difficult for me to wrap my head around being responsible for one soul (myself). My radar isn't that small anymore! I have to keep my lips pursed -- I can't say "HEY STOP THAT!" or provide the good old-fashioned POP (Positive Opportunity Positive) on a hapless soul.

GRRRRR!! I need to tone it down and stop worrying. If I do not, I am going to be "that guy."

I opted for this job over another management job because of Oliver -- and because for the first time in many years (decades) -- I crave OPTIONS. I really don't know what my future holds. I think want another management job within the same company (apparently, those avenues exist readily) -- but I can take my time.

Currently the pay is marginal and the work is unsatisfying .. but if I keep taking my Adderall and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself -- I might find a much more rewarding avenue in 3 - 4 months?

Speaking of Oliver... He turned 18 months less than two days ago. All of the literature that Angie and I have been pouring over says that 18 months is the milestone where little ones should start walking. WELL.... HE STARTED WALKING TODAY. Yay!!! He totally cranked that Soulja Boy.

Fitty was proud -- but laid the smack down on da streets, yo. If you are not a close friend it won't make sense (video soon to come).

Morning Television

2008-07-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

My Adderall hasn't kicked in yet, so I'll just have a go here:

- The "Sea Bond" adhesive commercial physically hurts me [ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkC-q0_4gw8 ]

- Wilford Brimley used to look normal (like, back in the day when he pedaled oatmeal ... SNIFFFFFF .. SNIFFERIFIC) -- but now he looks like a pale walrus with a menacing scowl that could peel the chrome off a hitch-ball. When he talks, the only word I hear is "Diabetes," except it sounds like "Diahbeetus--" the rest is just deep gravely incoherent babble

- If the last guy who bids on the "Price is Right" thinks the item up for bids is more expensive than the previous three bidders -- ALWAYS bid one dollar over the highest bid. For twenty-five years, I've watched thousands of people fuck this one up -- speaking of the "Price is Right," why is Plinko the most exciting game? I've never seen anyone win a significant amount of money. Next to the $10,000 jackpot are $0 -- also $100, and $500. "You can win up to $50,000" is a goddamned pipe-dream, statistically

- The "Hover'ound" electric chair is not as awesome as they tout

- Betty White hasn't aged in over 30 years -- and is it sick that I sometimes fantasize about her?

- This one might only apply to me / my television -- but when I put "Teletubbies" on for Oliver to watch -- there's this skittering pattern on the left edge of the picture. It looks like a barcode transmission. I think it is programming Oliver's brain. Maybe "TUBBYCUSTARD" will be on the market soon. Great

Stolen ATMs and a Trip to the E.R.

2008-06-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

This has truly been one of the strangest weeks I've experienced in a long time.

Monday was setting up nicely, my good friend Erin was visiting her family from Hawaii, and we had planned a morning date to catch up and to show off our kids (where mine is seventeen months and hers has gestated for just over twelve weeks). I was really looking forward to sharing stories of pregnancy, and babies in general. Also, I just wanted to catch up. She is an exceptional woman. Plans got changed, so I ended up spending most of my Monday working on various projects around the house .

So we shot for Tuesday. The plan was for me to pick her up from Gresham (which is like 20 miles from where I live). I went out that morning to grab some breakfast when I realized the grinding sound the brakes on my car were making stopped being annoying -- and started being impossibly horrific. Not only were the brakes scaring bystanders within a block radius, the car couldn't stop without my compensating steering left. Yikes. It sounded like something was tearing through metal. Needless to say, plans changed as I limped over to my mom and dad's w/ Oliver in-tow.

As most Ford Focus owners are aware, their brakes suck. My dad is an engineer / car expert so I always admire his help when I have something to do that involves removing pieces of my car.

As we start to work on the car, the local news van pulls up and asks to interview my dad. The short version is this: Thieves stole an ATM, broke it open, stole the cash, and dumped it in my parent's back yard. WTF? The news had done a report about it the night before, but only video-taped shots of the yard and the ATM -- no interviews. Today, they wanted to get dad on camera and ask a few questions. The rest is history:

So, $90 a news interview, and a few hours of being a grease monkey later, my car has fresh new brakes, a repaired tail light, and a repaired rear seat-belt locking mechanism. The inner Hamm's drinking car mechanic in me was happy (but also broke).

Next day -- everything seems fine. Oliver has been a little terror, however. He WILL NOT go down for his naps without screaming like a rabid hyena. Thank goodness for visual baby-monitors, headphones, and internet radio. About 4pm, I get a call from my brother-in-law, Paul. He was a little "off" to say the least -- but I gathered something happened that involved a table saw and his thumb. I live fairly close by, so I figured it would take him to the E.R. I grabbed the kidd-o, some food and a few toys and headed out. When I got to his house, my sister had just arrived from work, so the four of us were able to make it to the hospital pretty quickly.

Paul was admitted and taken to a room. He cut his thumb pretty badly, and was in a LOT of pain. Oliver fared well. He was boisterous throughout the stay, but overall behaved admirably -- and accepted stickers from a female nurse named Mercedes (who, by the way has never seen License to Drive -- which for a girl with her name to have never seen is a sin in my book).

We all left. Paul's thumb was damaged pretty heavily, but whose prognosis is good. They stapled it back shut and said it should fully heal and be functional.

In other news: I'm still jobless -- but I have a great lead that I am pretty sure will become my new career here shortly. I won't speak much about it until it actually happens. Karma can be a bitch sometimes.

CHARLTON HESTON DIED!!!

2008-04-06T03:09:00.000-07:00

I just learned that Charlton Heston died...

My best friend, Chandler (who is sitting right by me), immediately said:

"Maybe now they can finally pry my firearm from my cold dead hand."

Chandler wins. In almost every way.

And also. I had my 33rd birthday party tonight. Good friends, good times.

I have a few hours of booze-sweating before I am able to face the real world. After then: LOTS of pics, and humorous stories.

What what?

I am SUPER LAME

2008-03-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

O.k. Sorry. Again. I never write in this blog. I should. I spent a lot of time getting it all to work with my web site -- what a waste!

I feel especially bad because there's a WHOLE LOT to talk about! Every few days, something happens that's noteworthy -- and I tell myself "Hey Carl-- YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BLOG ABOUT THAT." Then a week or so passes, and the buzz of that particular news goes away. BLOGGER-MOMENT RUINED FOREVER!

Well, we'll start at the top. I'm unemployed.

I have been full-time Mr. Mom for over a month now. Being at home all day every day with my son is totally different than what I expected. I love Oliver with all my heart, and he is a really super awesome little man -- but OMG, there is so much that I don't like about being stuck inside these walls with his sorry little butt. As my best friend puts it: "babies are alarm clocks with no snooze button." Every day is dominated by his needs (again, I love him and I wouldn't trade the world to be without him -- but WOW).

I get a few moments here and there to get personal things done, but I lose my drive within a few hours and usually "put it off until tomorrow." The reality is slowly sinking in that I need to find a new way to organize my time or my life will remain on pause.

It's almost like I have two needy dependents: my son, and this house. My son lives and breaths, crawls around, screams and needs immediate attention all of the time. This house remains completely still and emotionless -- yet it slowly decomposes and comes into disarray which requires regular, periodic upkeep. It's like fighting a tornado and a hurricane at the same time!

I have applied for about twenty jobs and have been officially declined by one, and have no responses to the others. BLEH. Starting this week, I am officially becoming frustrated.

I think the worst part of my unemployment is that I've slipped into a pretty icky depressive state. I do what I can (take walks, listen to calming music, have hobbies, etc.), but it is still hard to keep a positive outlook. I've been getting quite a bit of therapy through this, and after seeing two doctors and two licensed clinical Psychologists, it has become clear that I suffer from some form of ADD or ADHD (Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder). The docs think that I have one or both of the following: "Classic ADHD" and "Over-Focused ADHD." Each of which are very different and take opposite kinds of medicines to help quell the symptoms. The doctors are wary to prescribe the wrong one because if I take the "Classic" meds, it could throw me into a panicky state, whereas if I take the "Over-Focused" kind, it could cause me to basically become even more scatterbrained and irritable. I am still awaiting a final diagnosis (hopefully this Friday).

I've been battling this my whole life, so putting the spotlight on my "brain dysfunction" isn't really a big deal to me. But combined with this depression I'm suffering, IT SUCKS.

In other news, I've been slowly selling off things over Ebay. It's very interesting what things are valuable and what things are not. Example: I can't sell a like-new high-quality gaming video card to save my life -- but I can sell a BROKEN 14-year-old sound card! Ebay is like another universe to me. It's very interesting to see how it all works.

I'M FINALLY GOING TO UPDATE MY WEBSITE! WOO HOO! Stay tuned, fools!

Laid Off...

2008-02-07T09:47:00.001-08:00

Well it happened. Finally-- but MUCH SOONER than I expected. I expected to go down with the ship-- but someone decided to let me go early. I'm mad as hell, but don't have any one person or entity to direct my anger. GRAHHH!

I've thought this over and over and logically, it's simple: If I stayed on board for two more weeks, I would have been granted about $3000 in the form of a severance package that I am otherwise ineligible for (Feb. 21st would have been my 1st year anniversary). The store will remain open for at least two more weeks, and thus, if I stayed on board, I should have been able to get my severance.

Somebody at the liquidation company made the decision that they as the days dwindle, the number of on-board managers should dwindle as well. Sure, this makes perfect sense -- I'm down with that. However, what doesn't make sense to me is this: There are five managers at my store. I am the least paid and am one of only two that have the experience of closing another store.

Q. Why get rid of the least paid manager who has the most experience closing this store?

A. Because I have the most to lose!

By keeping me on, and not laying off one of the other, more expensive and less experienced managers, the company would have to dole out about $3000 (minus the $500 - $1000 difference in salary) more than if they have not. Apparently, my work in the store isn't worth the $2000 spread over the next 14 days.

But I contest that notion: All I would have to do was make the company about $200 more per day that I am working. I could have totally pulled it off.

This is where my morals and work ethic seem to differ than those of most. When I ran my video game store, if confronted with the option to either watch the bottom-line and cover my own ass .. or to take a risk for one of my employees, I would "take one for the team." In fact, I've done that on a few occasions: I'd protect one of my employees by putting my own job on the line.

The way I see it is this: When you are in a position of control, you call the shots. If someone above you cries "FOUL" and questions your actions, you MANAGE. You explain why-- and one of the dirty little secrets of management is that you can make any bullshit story you want to get your point across. It all comes down to whether the decision was "right" or "wrong," and if the boss was dumb enough to fall for it.

For me, I protected my PEOPLE, not my bottom-line. And my heart is big enough to see the benefit of losing a relatively small bit of money for the sake of helping a good employee's family.

It is very transparent what is happening here. Save a dollar. My work ethic does not apply because I don't make those hard decisions. Somewhere up the chain, someone is making a few hundred dollars more than they would have if they had let me stay on a few more weeks.

HEY, FUCK YOU.

I could play the pity card here, but I won't. I knew this was coming, and no one expected the stores to stay open as long as they have -- so I was never expecting the severance pay as an option until just recently.

Still, I am mad as hell.

Merry Antmas Eve!

2007-12-24T07:17:00.001-08:00

I've heard some people mention that the holidays can be stressful. Without any glimpse of hesitation, I can not only agree with that statement, but I can also feel it in my blood, my bones and my brain.

I've been working at my store for 10 hour shifts, trying to keep a positive outlook -- but having gone through the store-closing process once before, this is no longer an adventure where each day brings something new. Oh no -- I've been here done that, so each day is just another small fraction of the tiny piece of hell that has become the majority of my career as of late.

I guess it's really not all that bad -- I'm more upset that I'm not able to stay. For those of you know me well, you know that I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING. I love projects, and I love completing them -- but I hate being in the middle of an unknown. When am I done? January? February? GAH!

Oliver has grown so much in the past few months. He's created quite a personality and is learning about possession. It is quite cute.

** MORE ON THIS POST SOON.. I NEED TO GO TO WORK **

This Sucks...

2007-12-11T11:11:00.001-08:00

Well here I am. I'm 32 years old, and I've been steadily rising in the ranks of retail management. For once, I am at a place where I can be financially well-off for in a job that I am comfortable in (well -- comfortable for 10 out of the 12 months.. the holidays suck).

I got my promotion on November 2nd (read here). I have been employed as a "Merchandise Sales Manager" for 34 days before one of the richest men in the world, Carlos Slim, cashed out one of his many empires, which happened to be the place of my employment.

GOD DAMMMMMMMMIT. Wait.. Doesn't this sound familiar? Haven't I already gone through this once before?

Yes. I have. I've already closed one of these stores. I've already gone through the ridiculous amount of wheeling and dealing with various annoying cheapskates while pedaling shitty merchandise. I hated it then, and I am fairly certain I am going to hate it now.

What is driving me nuts more than anything is how, at this company, I have never been stable. Here is the time-line:

Oct. 2002: Carl gets job running video game store.
Feb. 2007: Carl leaves fun (albeit low-paying) game store to work in greater pastures. Gets job at giant computer store as Asst. Sales Manager. More pay, great bonus opportunities, better benefits, etc. YAY.
+4 days: Company closes half of their stores, including the one Carl was just hired in days before. Awesome general manager leaves. Newly promoted sales manager, myself, and warehouse manager forced to manage closing store without a CLUE.
+80 days: We suck rocks. Close store. Carl has no new job in sight.
+2 days: Carl gets re-hired as "regional" pseudo "manager in training" at new location. N0 benefits, no bonuses, no "home store."
+3 weeks: Carl is back with his old boss whom he loves. Takes the good with the bad and makes-do with his half-ass situation.
+ 65 days: Carl gets temporarily relocated to far-away location. Enjoys 38 - 60 mile commute (depending on babysitting requirements). Begs and pleads to go back to the "home" store. Sucks rocks, again.
+35 days: PROMOTION! Carl is back at his home store! Back with his favorite boss! Benefits! Bonuses! Breaths multiple sighs of relief!
+?? Carlos Slim closes store. Rinse. Repeat. Retch.

I can choose to be upset.. And frankly, that is an option that is hard to resist considering the swelling ball of white-hot aggression I am feeling towards the lack of caring that big-box retail seems to universally share.

But instead .. I'll take this as pure entertainment .. again.

I think I am going to stop working in the retail field. I love people, I am a great salesperson, and I know it's an easy buck for me to make -- but IT IS NOT WORTH THE STRESS. My plan now is to go down with the ship. The light at the end of this fucked up tunnel is called "Unemployment Compensation." Yay liberal democrats!

I'll chalk all of this up as one of the weirdest years of my life.

What next? I am thinking of trying to brush up on web development again. I know I love to design and code websites -- and I know I am fairly good at it -- but I am as rusty as that Miller Genuine Draft Pontiac driver! LAWLZ. I do know that I will reap the unemployment for a good while as I spend that time restructuring my life. My house is a mess, my emotional foundation isn't very good, and I have a lot of repairing to do. Most importantly, I am going to spend a lot of quality time with my kid. I almost never get to see him and that isn't cool with me.

Binary

2007-11-11T19:37:00.000-08:00

Happy binary day! It's 11/11 .. that means that it is 15 in a four-bit register. 1111 = 8 + 4 + 2 + 1 = 15.

Now that I got that out of my system.. HELLO. LONG TIME NO BLOG. I've been super busy lately -- and I know that in my last post, I was whining about how I wish I posted more often and that I promised to post more.. and here it's been more than a month and a half and nary a post. BAD CARL.

The latest news is in picture form, and can be found in my pictures section. Lots of new Oliver the little lovable-snuggable Biggie-Smalls-iver pictures, as well as photos from the venerable Halloween party thrown by Rose and Ian -- and also my mom's 60th birthday. Please browse, but try not to carouse.

First: Oliver. What a glorious and trying month this has been. Before I go further, I must confess that I know I have it relatively easy. Oliver is one of the most well-tempered, easy-going babies I've ever seen. His demeanor is that of cheerfulness and pensiveness.

When startled, he smiles! When he hears laughter.. he laughs! He loves to share giant open-mouthed smiles with anyone who gives him their attention. His eyebrows are very expressive and he loves to use his eyes to single out people and colorful objects. He is no stranger to ruckus and will dance to loud music (even hardcore Gangsta rap .. WEST SIEEDE REPRESENT'). He has a great family. Grandparents, parents and close friends adore him and give him gobs of attention. He soaks it in and beams with happiness.

I have it pretty easy.

That being said -- he's been crying a lot more lately. He's teething .. he's colicky. He's SOMETHING. GAH. He must be growing so fast that his bones are stressed and bending (at least that's what it sounds like sometimes). Months ago, his cries were pouty and subversive. Lately, his cries are painful, loud and haunting. I try to sooth him by holding him, whispering to him .. and sometimes it works -- but usually he's going through some phase that simply takes time. Every action on my part seems to only stifle the moment.

Albeit he is healthy and happy. It is but just the few fleeting moments when he is screaming and snotting and crying where I become wary. But hey -- I took the class at the hospital when he was born. "HAVE A PLAN" they say. I can honestly see why some parents end up shaking their babies .. because babies are human yet they have no ability to express WHY they are upset. It's not something we adults are used to. It can be maddening.

I can relate to the fantasy of understanding baby-ease. "MUUAAHHHH MA MA WAAHHHH SCREEEEAAAMMM" could mean "hey, daddy -- my freakin' right tooth is kicking my gum's ass and I'd sure like a shot of Whiskey."

"Hey cool" *administers teething gel*

But no. It's not like that. "RAAWWWRRRR!!!" means (in a very generic way) "I AM IN PAIN." And all I can do is hold him close to me, stroke his hair, kiss him and love him immensely (well -- I can drop him in the car seat, set him on the floor and turn on some dumb movie on TV .. but the former makes me a better dad, right?).

I thought the hard part was when they were firstborn. t(^.^t)

I GOT AN XBOX360!!! What was wrong with me? I ran a video game store for 4 years!! I played the love-hate game. I LOVE NINTENDO (see tattoo). I HATE MICROSOFT (see this). Blah blah blah. The Halo 3 craze caught up to me (and ultimately, my wife) -- and now we are the proud parents of a Halo 3 special edition XBox360. We both play it all the time. Beautiful Katamari, Tiger, Halo 3... All those awesome little $3 arcade games. Wow. Microsoft can't get it right with their computing platforms .. but they sure as hell can nail it with home video game consoles. 1080p interactive gaming is TEH SHIT. I am now a lifer. Ugh.

There are so many good games out now, too. Orange Box, Call of Duty 4, Super Mario Galaxy, Guitar Hero III... I need a raise!

I've been working on my latest CD (the ninth non-linear mix). Kalina has been quite an inspiration -- she has pressed upon me to to work on another mixset. I have obliged.

I really admire her tenacity. She is an artistic and vibrant person whom I look up to -- and this latest project of mine has rekindled the part of me which loves to create art. I'm scared though -- I have laid down about ten minutes of audio and it's really harsh. It's technically accurate, but it is very glitchcore. I have tweaked it down to the millisecond and it is still all over the map.

My goal is finish this before Christmas and have enough time left over to remix it for 5.1 audio systems... Watch out subs. MUWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So .. work. Yay work. I've been working in Tigard for the past two months and it's been pretty freaking lame. I don't like driving long distances repetitively. I guess I am a leftist liberal who believes in global warming and socialism. I drive 38 miles a day and get angry knowing that my car isn't more fuel efficient. No matter -- I'm back "home" now at Jantzen Beach. I'm working at the store I shopped at for ten years. I am now an official manager. My picture is on the wall. WEEE!!!

I will post more soon. REALLY THIS TIME. ^__^

NEW PICTURES!!!

2007-09-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Lots of new pictures for you! Angie and I enjoyed a crazy weekend camping near Mt. St. Helens with the 'Ver -- and he was FREAKIN' AWESOME. Along with all the pics of the camping trip, I took quite a bit of video --which I will soon compile and put up on YouTube.

Also, there are two new Oliver picture sections: Month 8 and Portraits. OH SNAP!!

The 8th month are just the newest batch of cute little snuggly-buggly Oliver-ly Waliver-ly pictures ^__^ The portraits are his first professionally taken pics from a really rad place called "Portrait Innovations."

Enjoy! AND COMMENT!

The Wilderness

2007-09-20T08:12:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long pause in the blogging (again). I used to update this thing once every few days! GAH! I'm going to try to stop being such a slacker and start posting more -- I PROMISE!

So, what's new in CarlLand? Firstly, I just got back from a most bizarre camping trip. This was the first camping trip for Angie and I that included a baby. We were worried that he may not like the great outdoors, so we had our contingency plan afoot: cut and run. If he became a nuisance, we'd just toss him and all of our gear in the car and head back home. But to our surprise -- he was fantastic the entire time!

We went to Seaquest State Park in Washington State. We've been there before and enjoyed our experience the last time. We like it because it's the closest (reservable) state park to Mt. St. Helens and is also clean and quiet. Our plans were to spend one day near the volcano at the two observatories, one day hiking through the dense forest, and the rest of our time relaxing at the campsite.

Well, none of that happened (except the relaxing .. we relaxed a little).

On our way to the campsite, Angie tripped and did something nasty to her ankle which pretty much derailed our plans to go hiking. I had to put in a half-shift at work the day we left, so we arrived pretty late and only had an hour of daylight to set up camp. We were crippled from the beginning.

The first night was actually quite nice! The weather was cool and calm, Oliver was content, and we were able to enjoy some grilled steaks. We all slept through the night with no problems, too (I think Oliver was better behaved because he was sleeping in the same "room" as mom and dad).

The next morning looked promising: The weather was overcast, but all indications were that the cloud cover was low enough that the view of Mt. St. Helens was spectacular from the observatories. We wanted to get everything ready, so we drove out to get some necessities and then came back to the campsite to load up on firewood for that night.

That's when the car broke down.

We've been having this problem with the car for months now where the ignition won't turn over without hitting it with a hammer. Well, the hammer no longer worked -- so we were sitting there next to the camp host on a beautiful day .. stranded. Luckily the camp hosts were very nice and drove me to the nearest phone and helped contact a locak locksmith. It took a few hours for him to come out -- but he did. He expected the job to take "less than an hour."

When he was done completely dismantling the dashboard and steering column, drilling the old ignition, building the new one from scratch and installing it -- over three hours elapsed. Our day was ruined. No volcano, no picnic, no relaxing at the campsite. I do have to admit, the locksmith (of J&J's Auto Locksmith from Kelso, WA) was VERY professional, polite and reasonable. The experience wasn't all bad -- I got to chat it up with the camp hosts and learn a lot about Ford ignitions along the way.

The next day is when the weather went sour. Rain, fog, cold, rain, more rain, more fog, and then more rain. Determined like only we can be -- we still decided to head up to the observatories. The visibility was next to nothing. The view was WHITE. The funny thing is -- the view of the PARKING LOT was WHITE. The fog was so thick, we couldn't see the observatory itself until we were near it.

We headed back the next day -- and of course, I went directly to work that afternoon. As Soul II Soul would say: "Back to liiiiife... back to reality..."

In other news: I'm now working in the Tigard store. I don't mind it so much except for commute -- and the fact that it is in Tigard. I drive about 20 miles each way. I did the math and I'm guessing I'm spending nearly $1000 in a gas per year. I used to work in the west side (Nike, Excell Data Corp. and others) I do NOT miss the west side at all -- that place is not my style. The main roads have 12 lanes! When you're at a red light .. it can take ten minutes to get through! The thing that seems extra weird to me is that almost every driver is a single-occupant car. Where's the HOV lanes? Where's the bicyclists? Where's the anti-Bush bumper-sticker laden Toyota Priuses? I guess there is always Washington Square.. IF SOMEONE CAN SHOW ME HOW TO GET THERE!!! GAHH!!

I miss my old store, but I'm learning that I can't really grow roots as a "manager in training." Soon, hopefully, I'll be landing a permanent REAL manager's position complete with the manager perks.

The weather is changing and I'm LOVING it. I've worked hard to secure my studio and make it more toddler-proof. Angie and I rearranged the whole living area and put all the "safe" stuff on one side and all the baby-damaging stuff on the other. We're going to put a big fence down the middle and keep him supervised when he's in the "ouchie" side.

I am going to try to make a CD this Christmas. It's been three years. I sooooo miss being an active artist sometimes. LIFE IS BUSY NOW.

Ouch!

2007-08-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

Wow.. what a night!

Some drunken fool drove his red truck down the street .. and managed to slam into both cars parked RIGHT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT.

Apparently, they didn't just HIT the cars, they hit one car .. backed up .. then hit another car. And then fishtailed down the hill, knocking over trash cans and managed to miss my car by mere feet. LOL!

I didn't hear the accident clearly because I had my head buried in World of Warcraft, but Angie immediately alerted me that something crazy was going on outside .. so I ripped the headphones off and heard the rumblings and crashes of what sounded like ... well .. drunken destruction derby craziness rolling down the hill. CRASH... BANG... SMASH... SCREEEEECH!

I ran outside .. camera and phone in tow. Not surprisingly the whole neighborhood was also running outside with me (beers, glasses of wine and cell phones in tow). The dust had already settled and everyone started cackling. Each neighbor had a story to tell -- but no one really knew what to do. Everyone was so excited!

One brave soldier hopped in his Subaru and darted down the street. Meanwhile everyone else kept retracing the steps and spouting their count of "WHAT HAPPENED?"

It wasn't long before police cars started to amass on the hillside. One, two... three. Yes -- five cars and two motorcycles found our hill and made it their temporary home. The police were asking questions, and it seemed as if each neighbor had a better answer to give than the last -- but ultimately, things were done expeditiously.

The brave soldier came back .. and would you believe it. SO DID THE DRUNK RETARD THAT CAUSED THIS WHOLE MESS! Yes. The red truck that started it all nestled in to the curb on the top of the hill while the dozen of us looked with awe. The chatter became silent. The police ran up the hill to question the OBVIOUS (although I'm sure they had to remove all assumptions beforehand ... and being a cop must be tough). The next ten minutes were entertaining as we all watched as the cops questioned the guy behind the wheel.

So the end of this story is: The drunk dumb bastard who totaled two cars and scared the wits out of most of us living on the 200 block of SE 73rd Ave decided to be caught at the same place he caused the mess. According to the police .. he doesn't even live here!!

Karma is playing tricks, I tell ya WHAT!

Way Too Long

2007-07-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Sorry for my lack of posts recently.

So many things have happened lately .. and I kept telling myself "Wow... I just had an awesome experience .. I should really write about it!" Then a few days pass and the newness of it fades -- and frankly, it's hard to write something witty and blogger-y about something that isn't fresh on my mind. So .. no witty banter for you today, just the lame versions:

First -- Oliver. He's great! He's growing like a weed and is proving to be a super well-behaved little boy! However, he is entering a phase where he likes to cry VERY LOUDLY. The ratio of happy to cry is still about the same (I'd say .. 20:1) -- but the severity of the cry bit has become quite overwhelming. I think he's teething for real this time. Also, he really is looking more and more like a little man and less like a bulbous flesh mutant - thing. He is growing tall and his facial expressions are more acute. AWWW CUTE. Get it?

My job has been pretty annoying lately -- although my complaining isn't very well founded. I've been at the new store for a few months now as a "Manager in Training," which is nice in that I get to dabble in all of the facets of the the store's operations. But the past month has been strictly one facet: Merchandise Management. t('.'t)

In one of my training meetings, I was told the following line .. and it was enunciated in a way that gave emphasis on the positive:

"This is the one and only job in retail where, if you do you job perfectly, nobody will bother you."

WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS? No one bother me? GAAAHHH!! I want to be bothered! I don't like working alone. I don't like repetition! I don't like things that require my focus for long periods of time!

All day every day I open boxes. Scan product. Count pieces. Compare shipped counts to packing lists. Fill out RA's (receiving authorizations .. I think). Enter numbers in the computer. Over and over and over and fucking over again. The most human interaction I get is in the few times I day I get to crawl out of the coal mine that is the receiving area and mingle with the sales staff and cashiers at the front of the store. I'm sure I look like a goon when I do because I have so much pent-up energy. BLAHABLAHAUGHPHLAUGHZ!

That being said, I am grateful that I have a good (solid?) job and that I do enjoy working for the company. Also, I know that what I'm doing now is giving me much-needed experience. If the path I choose is retail management, this is a required hurdle. WEE, HURDLE!

In other news: After seven long years, my good friends Alex and Shannon got married! The wedding was held at a nearby park on a beautiful Portland summer day. The setting was wonderful-- completely casual and free-flowing. Lots of sugary treats were served in the forms of candy, cupcakes, and alcohol. It was great to finally see them tie the knot.

I've known Alex since 1993 and Shannon since 1998, and being ones of the "old guard," there were many invited to the wedding that I haven't seen in years -- and it was quite a shock to be reunited with so many familiar faces. OH, DO I FEEL OLD NOW.

That evening, a few wedding attendees came over for a little reunion at my place. We busted out the Wii and played some Wii Sports bowling. Everything was great except for my dear friend Kalina accidentally bowled a heaping cup of sugary coffee into the 57" High-Def DLP television. Wii have a problem.

The impact caused massive damage to the screen, as well as sprayed sticky coffee all over the electronic devices situated in the shelves below. The coffee made its way inside the TV where it spread up into the screen and caused a giant dark splotch, which we all jokingly referred to as "The Whale." I must admit -- I think that night was a true test of everyone's maturity. I didn't blow my top, Kalina didn't break-down. Angie kept her cool and provided (much needed) levity to the situation. Mike intelligently remained sidelined through the entire ordeal.

After the dust settled, I took apart the screen on the TV and attempted to clean the coffee from between the lens and the outer screen. My good friend Chris and his wife Jaime showed up later that night helped out. It took a good part of the weekend, but I was able to completely fix the problem (well -- mostly).

As I said to Kalina in an email the next day:

"What happened last night was an accident. Shit happens. It's all a
part of life. If you invest in an expensive TV and a video game
system that involves flailing about crazily, whether you want to or
not, you also invest in imaginary insurance which is not paid in cash,
but in large amounts of forgiveness."

I FORGIVE YOU KALINA.

So .. other than Oliver's awesomeness, work's annoyances, Alex and Shannon's commitment, my television's close encounters with coffee -- there is only one other chunk of news that I feel fitting to blog about: I FINALLY TRADED IN MY DRUM SET!

I held on to those bastards thinking I would learn to drum well and maybe do something other than drunkenly beat at them -- but I finally faced reality and took them in to the local Trade-Up Music and got some freakin' COOL TOYS. Specifically, I got a MicroKORG and a homemade Theremin. The MicroKORG is perfect for my tastes, and I frankly, I was lucky to find one in such good shape at the price it was. I've been spending the past few days learning to create patches from scratch:

Dual layered Square Wave + LFO oscillation mapped to the Pulse Width married to 50% white-noise filter w/ resonance and variable cut-off MAKES CARL HAPPY.

The Theremin on the other hand -- that's the opposite of the MicroKORG. The Korg syntch = a gazillion ways to make it sound cool. The Theremin = two: Pitch and Amplitude. Dichotomy. Juxtaposition. Happy times.

I made a quick semi-inebriated video capture of me playing with my new Theremin the first night I got it. He is well loved in this house. I think I will name him "Olaf."

OMGWTFBFGSAUCE

2007-07-01T22:56:00.001-07:00

Why do I ALWAYS have to have a fast computer? I have always been fascinated with the idea of having a nice .. envelope-pushing rig to play games and .. well I don't know. I love to tinker with settings and I love to watch things fail -- I love to hate to watch things fail even more. It's maddening. I don't know what my problem is. I have gone insane.

My latest project has proven to be the most frustrating of all time. I haven't had a fully working computer in about four weeks now-- well, not one that stayed on longer than twenty minutes at a time. ARGH!

It all started a few months ago when I got my new job at the giant computer store. I had a pretty nice computer before I started working there, but being involved in all the facets of the computer retail scene gave me WAY TOO MUCH ACCESS. THE POWER WAS TOO GREAT!

Through the span of a few months, I took my existing machine (AMD 64 5200+ Dual-Core Windsor on an Asus M2N32-SLI Deluxe-WE motherboard running 2GBs of Corsair DDR2-6400 XMS RAM) and upgraded it with various bits and pieces -- and then I bought the big-daddy video card: nVidia's 8800GTS (previously, I had the 7800GT).

Mind you, I know there are MANY cards out there which are far superior to the one pictured here. I know that someone COULD spend $4000 on a video card array. I know that if one wanted, one could go supremely over-the-top and blow my computer (and most others) out of the water. In this dissertation, I am speaking of commonly available "consumer" grade products. So you geeks out there who want to show me up. Suck it.

So I had my 8800. Man oh man was I stoked. I was ready to push s0me pixels like NOBODY'S business. I was giddy with excitement as I installed the card (I had already pre-installed the drivers and many benchmark utilities and demos). I turned on my machine, booted into Windows ... well, it didn't really work right. Immediately I got flickering, missing pixels, system crashes, etc. No big deal, right? Just replace the card!

I do .. same thing. I test, I reconfigure. Days pass.

So it must be the motherboard, right? Replace that, re-install everything. Re-test. SAME THING.

I call the manufacturer's tech support (imagine that .. ME calling tech support). They say "you need a better power supply." So I get one. In fact, through the span of about a week, I get three! Why three? Because each one yielded the same results and I thought MORE POWER = LESS GAY.

The problem wasn't the motherboard (because I replaced it twice) and it wasn't the video card (because I replaced it FOUR times in the span of two months). The problem wasn't the RAM (because I tested it for 12 hours straight using MEMTEST86 - and also tried using all four DIMM slots using every possible matrix of configurations). The problem wasn't my OS (because I installed both XP and Vista -- 32bit AND 64bit!). The problem wasn't my power (because I have a quad-rail 850 watt PSU running off a battery back-up and I have physically tested all of the voltages going out to devices with a multi-meter). The problem wasn't the video card alone (because I stress-tested it in other computers with NO problems).

My house must be haunted. The computer Gods do not like me.

No matter what combination of new hardware I replace .. the SAME problem kept creeping up on me. I have a stable system for about twenty minutes .. and then I have a nice little strobe-light for a monitor and a video card that could cook an egg in under one minute. OMG WTF.

I have even gone to the trouble of using Angie's machine to build a test rig and replaced every piece of my hardware with hers, one-by-one. INDIVIDUALLY, EVERYTHING WORKS PERFECTLY. My gut tells me that there is a problem with my board (the Asus M2N32-SLI Deluxe Wireless Ed.) and the 8800GTS series nVidia video cards. Something with the combination of the two creates crazy heat and/or voltage issues. Scroll back up and look at the picture of the guy on the card. That picture shows what users using that card look like after they've gone through what I have! LOL!!1

Finally today, I decided to toss in the towel. I bent over and grabbed my ankles and took what was coming. Because I am stuck with my Asus board and AMD processor, I decided to back down and get a lesser video card. I suppose if I were to have replaced the board with a DIFFERENT chipset, I could have tackled the problem -- but I simply do not have that option right now. Besides, I really do like AMD.

I am now sporting a pair of 8600GTS in SLI mode and seem to have a stable computer. Stable enough to be able to write this blog right now, at least. I'm still seeing some glitchiness -- but I'm going to be patient.

I'll post scores soon. That is if I have a computer tomorrow morning. I am leaving the AC on all night and have my alarm set for 6:00am.

SORRY

2007-06-18T23:04:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I have a lot I want to talk about as well as a ton of new pictures to upload. I AM A BLOG-SLACKER.

To tide you over until I am able to update this, here are two pictures that should keep you well entertained:

He's 5 months old! He PWNS you! In fact, I dare say, he 1337pwn3zzZZ!!!1two you. And if that wasn't enough. Here's a pic I took from the new LED Mac Book Pro's iSight cam:

Stay tuned boys and ghouls.

An End of an Era

2007-05-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Jebus... Where do I start?

Firstly: I want to hereby publicly announce that I am chalking up the past three months of my professional life as PURE ENTERTAINMENT. As I've written in prior blogs, and as some of you know from talking to me in real life .. the Computer "Mega Store" that I was hired on to be a manager for closed within the first four days of my working there.

Replace super-cool store Manager, Mike with Bob. Bob had bitch tits. WAIT NO, NO HE DID NOT HAVE BITCH TITS. THAT IS A LINE FROM A MOVIE. I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SAY THAT FOR MONTHS

Bob is the man in charge of the liquidation sale. He is one of the most interesting and bizzare people that I have ever had the pleasure to interact with. Bob is from Wisconsin. He is old(er) and has been in the retail-sales arena since the 1970s. I've been in sales for a long time -- and maybe it's as simple as old-school vs. new-school, but where I come from, being a successful salesperson equals being helpful, understanding, and caring. I think, possibly, the general intelligence of the average technology consumer has increased in the past decades -- and with the advent of the internet, getting specifications, price comparisons, reviews, etc. is second nature to most people.

You can't swindle most customers today. In the 1970s, you could -- and moreover, that was how salespeople thrived. Consumers didn't know what "solid state" or "high fidelity" meant because (unless their uncle was a Ham radio operator) that information was only spread via specialty magazines and "shop talk."

Bob's disposition is one of cynicism and pessimism. I find myself trying to "cheer him up" (as do the girls behind the counter .. which is another source of hilarity for me). He smiles often, but it seems to me he's just waiting for the next opportunity to hem-and-haw about something insignificant. I will cut Bob a break because his job is to deal with stores that are closing -- customer retention, referrals and overall customer satisfaction are not things that will necessarily serve him well. Also, making lasting relationships with those he works with has no lasting value, either.

Bob is a nomad.

It has been both grating and wholly entertaining to work in my closing store for the past few months. I have been serendipitously placed in the middle of the likes of Bob and his cronies, bright-eyed high-school kids, and the most overly-dramatic and rabble-rousing employees I've interacted with in a long time (which isn't a bad thing-- it takes a very comfortable and open workplace to allow such behavior).

So, I've been working amidst chaos. The store looks like an Alabama mobile-home park and I'm quite done with it. Today is the last official day there, and I am EFFING HAPPY. As I've said .. this is 100% entertainment for me. I have a few days of store clean-up ahead of me and then I start my new job (same company, different location). I cannot wait!

*SIGH* In other news, the spawn is awesome. He's kicking ass and taking names and as it's turning out to prove, he's quite the flirt. He loves people and he LOVES the women (I don't know whether to be proud or scared). He's four months old now and you can see TONS of pics in my pics section.

He had ear surgery last month and is now officially bionic in that he has tube implants. There was a significant amount of drainage which in most cases is bad, but in our case, is good because it shows that his hearing loss was probably due to some "leftover" gunk in his middle ear. Hopefully his hearing will increase significantly soon. We still have some more tests to go through to find out, though.

I'm going to hit level 58 in World of Warcraft soon and FINALLY make it to the Outlands. Before any of you reading this get angry at that last sentence, please realize that I've played that game since December of 2004. You do the math.

I'll catch you all up on the other facets of my miserable little life soon.

PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

Never EVER Mix Sulfuric Acid and Liquid Dran-O

2007-04-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

I bring you this post in the form of an instant message chat. The date is today (tax day -- April 17th, 2007). The following is a conversation between myself (Carl) and my friend Dmitri.

The background is this: My bathtub was clogged. I purchased two products to fix the problem. The two products had no warning labels about combining it with anything -- just warnings on ingestion and skin contact.

I never did well in chemistry class.

Read on:

[20:31] Carl: Are you any good at Chemistry?
[20:32] Dmitri: i dunno
[20:32] Carl: Heh
[20:32] Carl: Well
[20:32] Dmitri: we'll see how much i remember
[20:32] Carl: The past 4 hours of my life has involved ... dealing with
the effects of mixing Liquid Dran-O Max with sulfuric acid
[20:33] *** "Dmitri" signed off at Tue Apr 17 20:33:02 2007.
[20:33] Carl: The drain-o didn't work
[20:33] *** "Dmitri" signed on at Tue Apr 17 20:33:36 2007.
[20:33] Dmitri: wait wait wait whaaaaa that isn't good
[20:33] Carl: O.k.
[20:33] Carl: I'm going to research that now
[20:33] Carl: I mean...
[20:33] Carl: I KNOW!
[20:34] Carl: I evacuated
[20:34] Carl: Cats, baby
[20:34] Carl: Everything
[20:34] Carl: OUT!
[20:34] Dmitri: where did the sulfuric acid some from
[20:34] Carl: I bought it at Freddy's!
[20:34] Dmitri: wha why
[20:34] Dmitri: what was that for
[20:34] Carl: The bath tub was clogged
[20:34] Carl: So I used Drain-O
[20:34] Carl: It didn't work
[20:35] Carl: A tub full of water and drain-O
[20:35] Carl: So I went back
[20:35] Carl: Bought the more expensive "professional" stuff
[20:35] Carl: It was in a bottle inside of a sealed bag.  It
looked powerful.
[20:35] Carl: heh
[20:35] Carl: "Liquid Lightning"
[20:36] Carl: So .. when I poured THAT in
[20:36] Carl: The mixture of it and the Dran-O made a thick fog
[20:36] Carl: And everything bubbled up and started to foam
[20:36] Carl: And that was when my body shut down
[20:36] Carl: And I *RAN*
[20:36] Carl: And scooped up the little ones (cats, baby)
[20:37] Dmitri: hmm i'm reading about it... i guess it will do that
sometimes even w/o the drano
[20:37] Carl: I'm reading too
[20:37] Carl: It was like all oxygen was removed
[20:37] Carl: Instantly
[20:37] Carl: It went into my skin
[20:37] Carl: Like... if I squinted my eyes .. my eyeballs still burned
[20:38] Dmitri: yeah
[20:39] Dmitri: it seems like those sulfuric acid ones are a bad idea
[20:39] Dmitri: people say they shouldn't even be used indoors at all
[20:39] Carl: Well they are RIGHT
[20:39] Carl: I'm sure it was a mix of the two
[20:40] Carl: No way that one thing caused all that
[20:40] Carl: I am sick now from it
[20:40] Carl: Like, I have a cold
[20:40] Carl: My upper-respritory is all fuxor3d
[20:40] Dmitri: nasty :(
[20:41] Dmitri: hmm, sounds like that whole thing could've literally exploded
[20:42] Carl: WHAT?
[20:42] Carl: Where are you seeing that?
[20:42] Dmitri: http://answers.yahoo.com
[20:42] Dmitri: near the bottom
[20:42] Dmitri: search for with "do not mix"
[20:43] Carl: OH SHIT
[20:43] Carl: Yeah
[20:43] Carl: It felt like it was going to explode
[20:43] Dmitri: well uh, good thing you got out of there
[20:43] Carl: like I said .. I RAN
[20:45] Dmitri: btw remind me to give you your silly bday present later
[20:45] Carl: k
[20:45] Carl: OK ITS LATER
[20:45] Carl: GIVE IT TO ME
[20:45] Carl: ROFL
[20:45] Carl: Dammit my lungs hurt
[20:45] Carl: I am pissed
[20:46] Carl: That ruined my afternoon
[20:46] Dmitri: another thingy
[20:46] Dmitri: 13- Never mix drain cleaners like Drano and sulfuric acid.
The resulting volcano will ruin your bathroom and could blind you!
Take the trap apart by hand and clean it!
[20:46] Dmitri: :O
[20:46] Carl: yeah
[20:46] Carl: That's what happened
[20:46] Carl: It grew like a monster
[20:46] Carl: Heh
[20:46] Carl: WOW
[20:46] Carl: This is cool
[20:46] Carl: I could have DIED
[20:47] Dmitri: yes

So there you have it. Don't mix cleaners, kids. *COUGH*

New Chapter?

2007-04-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

Wow .. the past few days have actually been REALLY NICE!

Spring has sprung .. and even though the weather here in Portland has been as undecided as Schrödinger's cat, we've been given the gift of a fabulously bright and blue sky. The past few days have been glorious .. but today was cold and wet (it started off nice -- but quickly turned into unusually cold "long-sleeved" weather). Albeit, the rain smells wonderful, and all of the new blossoms are in full-effect. I love hearing the sounds of nature as it rains in the springtime-- I really want to go camping now!

I finally got out of the house! It's been about a month since I've had a break long enough to feel like I could give Chandler my full attention, so we met up on Friday and spent the morning at a cafe in the trendy SE Belmont area. Chandler is doing well (all things considered). A lot of the troubles of his past are behind him, and he's moving forward (I know .. how very vague).

He wants to purchase a sturdy used sailboat and rent a slip on the Willamette or the Columbia rivers. In his words: "wind, water and gravity will be my best friends." He also expects to lose weight and grow a long beard. SWEET!

I feel like Chandler is a man who is running with no destination. I love him like a brother -- and it is taking a lot of strength on my part to stifle my desire to WRING HIS FREAKING NECK... But at the same time, I am deriving bravery from him. I've made the decision to accept and condone any decisions he makes. He's on his own path, and all I can do is observe and support. We've been best friends for over fifteen years now and it's become clear to me that he does not appreciate authority. I do admire his tenacity for adventure, and that is what he needs in life.

So yeah .. we had breakfast at the Cricket Cafe, discussed deep things .. and then went out to hit a bucket of balls at Glendoveer Golf Range. I had length where he had consistency. I got a few 5-iron shots out to 175 yards .. and one or two drives past 200 yards. He worked on his stroke, which was more predictable than mine. I hope we get the chance to play an actual course soon. I will kick his ASS.

Later that day, I spent time with my friend Todd. He invited me to Spun Academy where I spent time helping him teach prospective DJs. I had a freakin' BLAST! The students were green, but very apt to learn. I have completely forgotten what it was like to be a fledgling DJ.

Todd has offered the chance to let me teach some classes there, which I VERY MUCH HOPE TO DO someday.

Yesterday (Saturday) was a bizzare day. Angie's Grandma West (her dad's mom) died a week ago and her memorial was held at a church in NE Portland. The service was really well done. I was very touched by the speeches that were made by the "kids."

It turns out that church that the memorial was held at was my PRESCHOOL. Man oh man the DeJa Vous was flying fast and furious. I managed to break in to the basement where I saw the old cafeteria in which I ate many lunches in 1980. The memories that I had of this place were "memories of memories" (what else can you have after 27 years?) -- but when I saw some of the rooms, a few very clear memories came forth. I must have been a bad kid because I remember being "swatted" in the corner!

Yeah .. so now begins the next chapter. Angie starts working tomorrow. I actually have to watch Oliver. I no longer have the excuse "BUT I WORK MOST OF THE TIME."

*sigh*

Verizon Can GO TO HELL

2007-04-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

I have been with Verizon for over three years now. I can honestly say that I have never been treated more poorly as a paying customer at any establishment than I have with Verizon.

Verizon's own tagline is "It's all about the network" (spouted all over their television ads, billboards, etc.). Apparently that is true because it certainly ISN'T about "the customer."

I could explain how crappy the company is by saying they lack certain qualities that other wireless carriers possess -- but Verizon's problem isn't that they are being lazy. No sir -- quite the contrary. Verizon excels at the art of bullshitting to an amazing degree. Nothing is ever fully explained, and usually when the company does decide to be straight and thorough, they fail to deliver.

I have heard half-truths from them countless times. It started from day one, where I was sold a plan that included "free unlimited internet usage." I was charged $9.99 extra per month for that "free" service. The person at the Verizon store sold me a package and used the word "free" when the correct term was actually "free with upgrade," or in other words: "NOT FREE."

To put it simply: Verizon's way of doing business is telling you one thing, and then doing another.

They get away with it because they have professionally tied into their marketing and employee training clever words and catch-phrases that fool customers into spending more money than they both should spend, and also AGREED to spend. Furthermore, there is such a long delay between the time of any verbal agreement, and the time in which one realizes that they have been misled that I am afraid most people simply forget what they originally agreed to!

Really slick, assholes!

A concrete example of this behavior is when a Verizon representative makes changes to your account. It is very difficult to make changes to your plan without help from a sales associate, because the verbiage they use on their website often includes acronyms that are not clearly defined - I don't know what "Unlimited IN-calling w/ TXT, PIX, FLIX $9.99 + VC 5 free [extra fees may apply]" means, do you? When you call or go into a store to discuss plan changes, the final step is to listen to a recording which, upon a button-press confirms that you agree to the terms and conditions. This is all fine and good, except for one very simple fact: The representative ENCOURAGES you to "press 9" as soon as the call connects!

I've made changes to my account many times throughout the years and not once have I not had the representative tell me to listen carefully to the terms and conditions. I've only ever had neutral treatment or aggressive treatment when it comes to bypassing the messages. I've only stumbled on listening to the full dissertation one day when I was waiting in line at the gas station (I actually didn't listen to the representative! Imagine that!).

What's more, when you make changes to your account in most cases, you are "agreeing" to extend the life of your term for two years (unless you "undo" your change within 30 days .. I'm still trying to figure that one out).

This argument would be impressive except for the fact that even if one were to spend the time it took to dredge through the terms and conditions recordings, one would have a very hard time UNDERSTANDING them given that most of it is indecipherable legal-ease in little ten-second servings, each with it's own severity of recording degradation and personal dialect.

For years, I've been told my bill would be $96 per month (including fees and taxes), and through no extra usage that I was aware of, I have paid between $110 and $150 per month. Maybe my case is special because I have a very odd set of options on my plan (for example, I have unlimited "web," but no V-Cast) and I've never fully understood what I can and cannot do (because I'm afraid, the Verizon people aren't capable of understanding the caveats of my plan). Verizon salespeople always scratch their heads when I explain to them I don't want V-Cast when my phone takes media cards on which I can simply copy my own music, images, videos, etc.).

So, the final straw came last year, August. I was due for a new phone and the LG-8500 "Chocolate" was coming out. I really wanted one. The saleslady said "I'll get you this phone for $49.99." She also bragged about how many she's already sold that day, and was touting that she is "on a roll." I figured "$50 for a $300 phone, nice! Sign me up!"

I got the phone and was billed $200 and given a $50 mail-in rebate form. Obviously, I called and complained. It took weeks before any resolution was made. To Verizon's credit, they "proactively credited my account $150" (40 days later).

I've had problems with the Chocolate since day one. The phone had issues with shutting down intermittently as well as crashing in the middle of using the TXT features. The battery life was horrible, even on the extended battery (which I purchased shortly thereafter).

For months and months, I tried to get the phone replaced through the customer service department. They explained that the phone shutting off was "normal," and I needed to simply dial a special number to "upgrade the service." After many more months of putting up with a crappy phone, I finally brought it to the local store and set it on the counter and said "I need this phone replaced because it is not working for me." The customer service manager looked at the phone and said "It has had water damage, you have voided the warranty."

Now -- I could easily write another twenty-or-so paragraphs detailing the absolute lack of common sense and the horrifically unsavory treatment I received by the manager at the Lloyd Center Verizon Corporate Store -- but I will spare you that. He was an angry man who is married to Verizon's bottom-line.

I brought the issue up with LG explaining that the phone's warranty does not make sense because I have never introduced my phone to water. The "water damage" indicator was on because of NORMAL USAGE. LG pointed me to Verizon, Verizon pointed me to LG. I have spent many hours wasting my time with this goddamned phone (which is funny, because the phone didn't work 25% of the time I was trying to get this taken care of)!

Finally I got a hold of someone at Verizon Corporate. Her name was Maria -- she was the person I got to when I asked to speak to the supervisor's supervisor. She PROMISED to take care of me. She PROMISED to call me back and explain what she could do exactly (even if the solution was that they could do nothing at all). She never called back -- and in my repeated attempts to get through to her, other representatives PROMISED to "email her," or "contact her."

This is the dance:

"I'm sorry for the trouble Mr. Scripter. I can see in your notes that Maria has tried to contact you."

"No she hasn't."

*hold*..... "I'm sorry for the delay Mr. Scripter, but I just checked and it appears that she is in the process of taking care of the situation and she has tried to call you on your main line."

"No, she didn't."

"Well maybe she didn't leave you a message, but it shows here that she tried to contact you yesterday."

"She didn't call me yesterday."

*hold*..... "I'm sorry for the delay Mr. Scripter, I will notify her and make sure you get a call shortly to take care of this situation."

"Mam, I have been told that before, I am not going to hang up until this is resolved. Every promise to call me back has been broken, and frankly I am tired of being lied to."

*hold*..... "I'm sorry for the troubles that you seem to be having with your service, Mr. Scripter, but it appears that a manager is researching the situation."

"You are a manager. Can you give me a new phone?"

*hold*..... ..... "Hello Mr. Scripter? Hi. I'm really sorry for the issues that may or may not be happening. I regret to say that there is nothing I can do, I will have to have a manager call you back..."

*click*

O.k. you get the idea.

The bottom line is this: Through all of Verizon's mis-treatment and lies, they have chosen to value the wholesale cost of the LG Chocolate phone (about $188) over my loyalty as a long time paying customer.

Verizon, you can go to hell.

I have switched to Cingular, and so far .. I am liking them very much (and also spending a heck of a lot less).

I am in the process of canceling with Verizon. It's a shame that I "moved to a new location where their service is unavailable to me," because if I hadn't -- I would have had to pay their $175 cancellation fee.

Video Project...

2007-03-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

I guess being 30+ years old, I have some "stories to share."

But the stories that I am sharing are in the form of YouTube videos (at least for now).

As I find more pockets of free time, I will capture more. I have hundreds of hours of VHS tape which include insane amounts of A.D.H.D. material as well as crazy 1990's advertisements and various other random material (usually in the form of techno / geek / computer / stoney / freak-flag-flying nutters)...

Meanwhile, I feel like getting dressed-up!

More to come soon!

Woah! Alison Won on Jeopardy!

2007-03-23T00:04:00.000-07:00

So I can't claim much more than that a friend of mine was on Jeopardy today .. and won!

Her name is Alison Fowler, and is the wife of Jeff who is one of the regulars at the monthly / semi-monthly LAN parties that I've gone to now for over a decade.

I didn't record any stats, but I am willing to guess that she had the only negative score, answered the fewest questions, and also answered the most high-scoring questions. AM I RIGHT?

Anywho -- CONGRATS ALISON!!

Can I borrow $500? ^__^

In other news, my good friend Amy had her 23rd birthday party today. We spent a good 3 hours under the black-lights and kitschy interior-design of the local dive, The Alabi. I spent time with a few ex cow-orkers -- and it was really nice to see them OUTSIDE OF THE CORPORATE MACHINE MAAAAAAN.

Yeah, so there was a little glimmer of happy in my otherwise miserable existence.

I'm being mostly sarcastic.

Very Bad News

2007-03-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

So.. I have horrible news. I lost my job (sort of).

Here's the back-story. I was happily employed at my last job (the video game store) for well over four years. I hadn't been actively looking for employment, but I wasn't turning away suggestions or impulses to bigger, better things. As I've described in previous blogs, I ran into my old boss from the job I held previous to the video game store at a new computer "Super Store" while I was shopping for an HDTV. He expressed that he would like to hire me, and within a few months, I was offered a position that was very tempting.

Here's where it gets bad. I accepted the job, and quit my previous job. The separation was fine, I helped train my replacement and everything was peachy (or so I thought). I started working at the new place as an assistant store manager (woo hoo! dress shirts and black slacks)... Four days into my new job, and the company announces they are closing over half of their stores across the country.

That's right -- I haven't even worked a week, and I was being told that my store was closing.

Not only that, but the store manager that was running that store (and was most of the reason why I accepted the job in the first place) was transfered to another store that wasn't closing.

What's more, but my previous boss at the video game store seems to think I was "bitter" because I wrote an email upon my exiting the company giving suggestions on how I think they could improve business (and I think the letter was very tasteful and positive .. as did many others, including my dad, a veteran Project Manager of over thirty years). I asked my old boss if I was "rehireable" when I left, and he very stoutly claimed "ABSOLUTELY."

Maybe he'll find a position for me -- but I don't know. I'm confused as to how corporations work. I thought I'd have figured it all out by now.

So here I am, basically, half-running a closing store. I am not doing anything that I consider to be "fun," because there is no more sales atmosphere or coherent structure. Basically, we're just "SELLING EVERYTHING TO THE BARE WALLS." My job went to fun and exciting assistant sales manager to junk-pedaler and loss-prevention crony. It's very, very, very depressing.

WHO MOVED MY CHEESE?

The stress from all this has mounted into something that I've never experienced. I'm developing a rash on my neck as well as having severe fatigue. I intend to do everything I can to get over this hump, and I will find good employment. I am not going to let this get the best of me, and I am doing EVERYTHING I can to stay positive.

Windows Vista FAILS

2007-03-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

I want to love Windows Vista. I want to love it SOOOO BAD. I've installed it five times on my computer now -- each time trying to hammer out the kinks. I've tried the "Home" and "Ultimate" editions (all legitimately, mind you). I've tried the 32-bit and 64-bit versions of each. My computer is alarmingly prepared for Vista (I score a 4.2 on the "Windows Vista Experience Index," which is pretty freakin' good). Why does there have to be an "Experience Index," anyway? Doesn't that negate the whole idea of the OS being transparent to the user? argh... I digress.

Four weeks of installing, tweaking, WANTING TO FEEL THE LOVE .. I'm still waiting for the love. Microsoft, I'm right here! Love me! Please? Hello? Microsoft?

I've posted a semi-viral YouTube video detailing my experiences installing Vista, and although it was meant to be satirical, it still holds very true. Vista is SO protective -- SO jumpy -- SO against all intrusion that it basically forces users to line-up and march down the very narrow road in which Microsoft has paved using only a very sparsely selected handful of applications.

In the comments on my YouTube video as well as my interactions with others who have experienced Vista, I've heard one mantra echoing far more than any other... the age-old debate: "MacOS vs. Windows."

We've all seen Apple's commercials. We've all heard the rhetoric. Mac is superior. blah blah blah...

O.k. Truth be told: MacOS is superior in nearly all regards. I know this. I have known this since the early 1990s when I first experienced "System 7," which was on all of the Macs at my High School (back then, I was still sporting an "I *heart* DOS" bumper sticker on the back of my truck).

After years of dealing with MS-DOS, I remember how being freed of having to remember arbitrary code when dealing with files was like a breath of fresh air. When you open a folder in MacOS 7, it opens gracefully. When you close a folder, it closes (and shows you a very intuitive animation of the folder closing into the folder in which it was opened). Apple made sure to keep things INTUITIVE. Amen.

In those formative years (1991 - 1994) I was given the gift to grip on to both emerging technologies. I liked both for different reasons. I guess the easiest way to sum up my experiences during these times is to say:

The artist in me loves MacOS'es user-friendly, intuitive interface. But the engineer in me loves the nuts-and-bolts direction of Microsoft's DOS (and soon to be Windows).

Through the evolution of both operating systems, I noticed something interesting: I noticed Apple struggling to stay afloat while Microsoft bulldozed ahead at full steam. It was a perplexing situation because it seemed to me that Apple should have won that battle early on .. but as history has proven -- this is one of the greatest studies in human psychology.

Here's my take on why Microsoft had the advantage: Microsoft gave all developers carte blanche. Apple restricted external development. Microsoft gave EVERYONE a chance (including a kid by the name of John Carmack .. who ended up starting a video game revolution). Apple made the "Dog Cow." Compare for yourselves.

As I watched the evolution of computers and operating systems throughout the late '90s and early '00s, I liked how Microsoft was shaping up. Windows 98 was decent .. 98SE was looking good. Windows 2000 was solid (and the game / 3D support was FABULOUS).

Windows XP was amazing! XP Service Pack 2 was nearly perfect! No crashes. No bugs. Seamless operation and security. It was all well maintained through the automatic Windows Updater, so it was easy to use. Best of all, it was supported by hundreds of different companies, so I had CHOICES. I can buy into whomever I want and I wasn't tied down. I was well educated, so I was able to run Photoshop, make DVDs and music CDs, blog, and even develop websites! And of course, I could play video games. I didn't feel restricted like I did with MacOS.

So .. it is now 2007. Windows Vista comes out. I install it (read above). I would like to summarize my experience using Windows Vista with the following line:

WINDOWS VISTA: ABOUT 75% OF ALL SOFTWARE AND HARDWARE WORKS .. ABOUT 75% OF THE TIME.

The best chance of having a "Wow" experience with Vista is to have it cleanly installed on a brand new computer with compatible hardware. Or in other words:

"Wow, this really sucks ass!"

Here I have been slowly building up my admiration for Microsoft for years and years. I have been weening myself away from Apple because I felt that Windows gave me more options. Here I have been a nice consumer, shelling out real $$$ to Microsoft to support what I felt was decent legacy after decades of watching them start from the muck and mire of the ridiculously horrible operating system, DOS into something as strong and widely accepted as Windows XP.

What a fool am I! Vista fails because it does everything I just described MacOS as doing wrong, but much worse!

Vista ties users down by only allowing a handful of hardware compatibility. Many of the "big" names in the Windows world aren't even supported yet (hello, Creative Labs .. Pinnacle Systems .. M-Audio?). I'm in awe at how beautiful Vista can look, but also at how obviously covered-up the real problems are.

I haven't used a Mac in a few years -- last I checked, they were up to OS 10.4-something.

MacOS is fun (maybe still a little too one-mouse-button-y for me) but it was fun. I am very much considering jumping the fence once again. Either that, or sticking with Windows XP for a few more years.

*goes to www.apple.com/store*