I am SUPER LAME

posted on: 2008-03-15 at 10:21:00 PM

O.k. Sorry. Again. I never write in this blog. I should. I spent a lot of time getting it all to work with my web site -- what a waste!

I feel especially bad because there's a WHOLE LOT to talk about! Every few days, something happens that's noteworthy -- and I tell myself "Hey Carl-- YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BLOG ABOUT THAT." Then a week or so passes, and the buzz of that particular news goes away. BLOGGER-MOMENT RUINED FOREVER!

Well, we'll start at the top. I'm unemployed.

I have been full-time Mr. Mom for over a month now. Being at home all day every day with my son is totally different than what I expected. I love Oliver with all my heart, and he is a really super awesome little man -- but OMG, there is so much that I don't like about being stuck inside these walls with his sorry little butt. As my best friend puts it: "babies are alarm clocks with no snooze button." Every day is dominated by his needs (again, I love him and I wouldn't trade the world to be without him -- but WOW).

I get a few moments here and there to get personal things done, but I lose my drive within a few hours and usually "put it off until tomorrow." The reality is slowly sinking in that I need to find a new way to organize my time or my life will remain on pause.

It's almost like I have two needy dependents: my son, and this house. My son lives and breaths, crawls around, screams and needs immediate attention all of the time. This house remains completely still and emotionless -- yet it slowly decomposes and comes into disarray which requires regular, periodic upkeep. It's like fighting a tornado and a hurricane at the same time!

I have applied for about twenty jobs and have been officially declined by one, and have no responses to the others. BLEH. Starting this week, I am officially becoming frustrated.

I think the worst part of my unemployment is that I've slipped into a pretty icky depressive state. I do what I can (take walks, listen to calming music, have hobbies, etc.), but it is still hard to keep a positive outlook. I've been getting quite a bit of therapy through this, and after seeing two doctors and two licensed clinical Psychologists, it has become clear that I suffer from some form of ADD or ADHD (Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder). The docs think that I have one or both of the following: "Classic ADHD" and "Over-Focused ADHD." Each of which are very different and take opposite kinds of medicines to help quell the symptoms. The doctors are wary to prescribe the wrong one because if I take the "Classic" meds, it could throw me into a panicky state, whereas if I take the "Over-Focused" kind, it could cause me to basically become even more scatterbrained and irritable. I am still awaiting a final diagnosis (hopefully this Friday).

I've been battling this my whole life, so putting the spotlight on my "brain dysfunction" isn't really a big deal to me. But combined with this depression I'm suffering, IT SUCKS.

In other news, I've been slowly selling off things over Ebay. It's very interesting what things are valuable and what things are not. Example: I can't sell a like-new high-quality gaming video card to save my life -- but I can sell a BROKEN 14-year-old sound card! Ebay is like another universe to me. It's very interesting to see how it all works.

I'M FINALLY GOING TO UPDATE MY WEBSITE! WOO HOO! Stay tuned, fools!

Labels: depression, ebay, unemployment

posted by Carl | 1 Comments | Leave a comment

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