I am SUPER LAME

posted on: 2008-03-15 at 10:21:00 PM

O.k. Sorry. Again. I never write in this blog. I should. I spent a lot of time getting it all to work with my web site -- what a waste!

I feel especially bad because there's a WHOLE LOT to talk about! Every few days, something happens that's noteworthy -- and I tell myself "Hey Carl-- YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BLOG ABOUT THAT." Then a week or so passes, and the buzz of that particular news goes away. BLOGGER-MOMENT RUINED FOREVER!

Well, we'll start at the top. I'm unemployed.

I have been full-time Mr. Mom for over a month now. Being at home all day every day with my son is totally different than what I expected. I love Oliver with all my heart, and he is a really super awesome little man -- but OMG, there is so much that I don't like about being stuck inside these walls with his sorry little butt. As my best friend puts it: "babies are alarm clocks with no snooze button." Every day is dominated by his needs (again, I love him and I wouldn't trade the world to be without him -- but WOW).

I get a few moments here and there to get personal things done, but I lose my drive within a few hours and usually "put it off until tomorrow." The reality is slowly sinking in that I need to find a new way to organize my time or my life will remain on pause.

It's almost like I have two needy dependents: my son, and this house. My son lives and breaths, crawls around, screams and needs immediate attention all of the time. This house remains completely still and emotionless -- yet it slowly decomposes and comes into disarray which requires regular, periodic upkeep. It's like fighting a tornado and a hurricane at the same time!

I have applied for about twenty jobs and have been officially declined by one, and have no responses to the others. BLEH. Starting this week, I am officially becoming frustrated.

I think the worst part of my unemployment is that I've slipped into a pretty icky depressive state. I do what I can (take walks, listen to calming music, have hobbies, etc.), but it is still hard to keep a positive outlook. I've been getting quite a bit of therapy through this, and after seeing two doctors and two licensed clinical Psychologists, it has become clear that I suffer from some form of ADD or ADHD (Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder). The docs think that I have one or both of the following: "Classic ADHD" and "Over-Focused ADHD." Each of which are very different and take opposite kinds of medicines to help quell the symptoms. The doctors are wary to prescribe the wrong one because if I take the "Classic" meds, it could throw me into a panicky state, whereas if I take the "Over-Focused" kind, it could cause me to basically become even more scatterbrained and irritable. I am still awaiting a final diagnosis (hopefully this Friday).

I've been battling this my whole life, so putting the spotlight on my "brain dysfunction" isn't really a big deal to me. But combined with this depression I'm suffering, IT SUCKS.

In other news, I've been slowly selling off things over Ebay. It's very interesting what things are valuable and what things are not. Example: I can't sell a like-new high-quality gaming video card to save my life -- but I can sell a BROKEN 14-year-old sound card! Ebay is like another universe to me. It's very interesting to see how it all works.

I'M FINALLY GOING TO UPDATE MY WEBSITE! WOO HOO! Stay tuned, fools!

Labels: depression, ebay, unemployment

posted by Carl | 1 Comments | Leave a comment

---

Very Bad News

posted on: 2007-03-09 at 9:27:00 AM

So.. I have horrible news. I lost my job (sort of).

Here's the back-story. I was happily employed at my last job (the video game store) for well over four years. I hadn't been actively looking for employment, but I wasn't turning away suggestions or impulses to bigger, better things. As I've described in previous blogs, I ran into my old boss from the job I held previous to the video game store at a new computer "Super Store" while I was shopping for an HDTV. He expressed that he would like to hire me, and within a few months, I was offered a position that was very tempting.

Here's where it gets bad. I accepted the job, and quit my previous job. The separation was fine, I helped train my replacement and everything was peachy (or so I thought). I started working at the new place as an assistant store manager (woo hoo! dress shirts and black slacks)... Four days into my new job, and the company announces they are closing over half of their stores across the country.

That's right -- I haven't even worked a week, and I was being told that my store was closing.

Not only that, but the store manager that was running that store (and was most of the reason why I accepted the job in the first place) was transfered to another store that wasn't closing.

What's more, but my previous boss at the video game store seems to think I was "bitter" because I wrote an email upon my exiting the company giving suggestions on how I think they could improve business (and I think the letter was very tasteful and positive .. as did many others, including my dad, a veteran Project Manager of over thirty years). I asked my old boss if I was "rehireable" when I left, and he very stoutly claimed "ABSOLUTELY."

Maybe he'll find a position for me -- but I don't know. I'm confused as to how corporations work. I thought I'd have figured it all out by now.

So here I am, basically, half-running a closing store. I am not doing anything that I consider to be "fun," because there is no more sales atmosphere or coherent structure. Basically, we're just "SELLING EVERYTHING TO THE BARE WALLS." My job went to fun and exciting assistant sales manager to junk-pedaler and loss-prevention crony. It's very, very, very depressing.

WHO MOVED MY CHEESE?

The stress from all this has mounted into something that I've never experienced. I'm developing a rash on my neck as well as having severe fatigue. I intend to do everything I can to get over this hump, and I will find good employment. I am not going to let this get the best of me, and I am doing EVERYTHING I can to stay positive.

Labels: stress, unemployment

posted by Carl | 1 Comments | Leave a comment

---